To J-P's appendix

As a former part of my friend, you could argue for more sympathy. I suppose being useless and cooped up can make an organ angry. "I wanted to be somebody!" I can hear you exclaim.

But you meddled in the anniversary plans and made J-P hurt and Melissa worried. You attacked the man who nurtured you, and that is unacceptable. 

No longer will you lurk, making dark viscera plans. You're gone. You're off the team.

Mr. Anderson's appendix, you went too far, and you got what you deserved: exile. 

To J-P and Melissa: Happy anniversary. You didn't get to NOLA, but you got through this emergency together. I wish you many more years of happiness, mutual support through times of trouble and illness, and the unremarkable but amazing connection that we all see, all the time.