No defense

So the day before my defense was scheduled, my advisor called me to say that I wouldn't be able to defend, even though he's been reading my work the whole time. He suggested that the committee meet as a group anyway, which we did. It was pretty awful to have 4 people tell me what's bad about my work for 2 hours.

So now I have 4 more months and another 150 pages in which to get this thing into the shape they want it in. I'm so tired of writing, but I'm determined to see this through. I just don't know how I'm going to do it.

The situations this puts me in are terrible. Now I have to find a job (fast) that will give me benefits so that I can continue to take my meds. As you may know, Sam has been laid off, so I can't go on his insurance anymore.

Plus, now I don't have that lectureship for the fall that I was planning on. No teaching for me for a while. And I love teaching. Wish me luck in writing and job-finding.

I submitted

I submitted on Friday. It's out of my hands now, and I have to figure out how to prepare for the defense, which is in, like, 2 weeks. But no more writing, no more revising, no more worrying about when my submission was going to be.

It's in and now it's on.