Have to say this

I have to say that I'm disappointed in all of our former friends. I think the whole let's-not-tell-Sam-how-we-feel behavior is not just wrong-headed, it's hurtful. If you think that Sam's drinking too much or that he's mean when he's drunk, tell him directly, as a true friend would, instead of talking about him behind his back. It's group-think of insidious nature. It's the behavior of people without integrity. It's cold.

I also want to say that I'm put in a bad spot. I can't be friends with people who treat Sam with such disdain for his friendship. I can't believe that people who showed up for me at the hospital have cut me out, too.

I know I'm being a hypocrite for not saying this directly to the people I feel are responsible, but I'm afraid I can't do it without an anger that would be counter-productive. I'm being as direct as I can, in a space I feel safe enough to comment. And it's not like anyone's talking to me, either, anyway.

I'm deeply disappointed and, well, shocked that people I thought were friends could simply cut Sam and me out so cleanly and efficiently. It's upsetting, and it makes me feel isolated. So if that's the desired effect, consider it accomplished.

I just have to share this, even in the ether, so to speak

From Beckett's Molloy:

"Chameleon in spite of himself, there you have Molloy, viewed from a certain angle. And in winter, under my greatcoat, I wrapped myself in swathes of newspaper, and did not shed them until the earth awoke, for good, in April. The Times Literary Supplement was admirably adapted to this purpose, of never failing toughness and impermeability. Even farts made no impression on it. I can't help it, gas escapes from my fundament on the least pretext, it's hard not to mention it now and then, however great my distaste.

"One day I counted them. Three hundred and fifteen farts in nineteen hours, or an average of over sixteen farts an hour. After all, it's not excessive. Four farts every fifteen minutes. It's nothing. Not even one fart every five minutes. It's unbelievable. Damn it, I hardly fart at all, I should never have mentioned it. Extraordinary how mathematics help you to know yourself."