Dissertation Proposal

So, I turned in my dissertation proposal yesterday. It doesn't feel at all like I thought it would; of course, the weighty discussion of camping didn't add to any celebratory mood. (For god's sake, people, it's one weekend among many, and it's probably going to rain anyway.) And then there was the end-of-the-evening weeping, which was for once not my doing.

At any rate, Sam kept me—if not sane—fed and clothed, and he supported me through the process and continues to support me, for which I am grateful. Another significant resource was a list I borrowed from successfulacademic.typepad.com, who in turn borrowed it from some people (Burka and Yuen) who wrote a book called Procrastination. The list follows, with some adaptation. In italics following each item is its logical opposite, most of which were very hard to write. I mean, physically. Without rolling my eyes.

The Procrastinator's Code

1. My work must be perfect. (My work will not be perfect. No one can make a perfect work.)
2. It's safer to do nothing than to take a risk and fail. (Taking a risk and it not working will happen, but when it does, I am not the one that failed. Only the risk.)
3. If my work gets critical feedback, I've failed. (If my work gets critical feedback, I've succeeded. Criticism equals engagement with my work.)
4. I shouldn't stop until every sentence is just right. (I can't make every sentence perfect, no matter how hard I try. "And time yet for a hundred indecisions,/ And for a hundred visions and revisions/ Before the taking of a toast and tea."
5. I shouldn't start until I know exactly what to say. (I should use writing to find out what I want to say. I don't need to know beforehand. That is prognostication.)
6. If I expose my work, people will see that I am inadequate. (Everyone feels like a fraud, at least some of the time.)
7. I need to do more research before I start writing. (Research and writing should happen at the same time. If I start to feel I need more research, I'll put in brackets ad keep writing.)
8. I've already fucked up by not producing more, so why start now? (I can't change the past. I can just work now.)
9. If I make myself miserable enough, maybe I'll begin working. (Making myself miserable leads to my trying to escape. It will never lead to working.)
10. If I am not working, I should punish myself with guilt. And maybe junk food. (Self-punishment is counterproductive. I don't have to suffer. I want the Ph.D. I am choosing to do this work.)
    

If you ever need to, you can adapt these statements to your own use. Now that I have a little distance, they seem a little twelve-step-ish, but I did get the thing written. I've also now noticed that these statements are embedded in "Prufrock." Joke's on me.