Dear Special Snowflake

To my faithful readers: This semester, I haven't been as direct and authoritative in the classroom as I should have been. The reaping time has arrived, and so I give you yet another "dear student" post. I imagine it will feel cathartic. 

Dear Student,

You are a special snowflake. But you do have to write a new draft, just like everyone else. You heard my instructions in class, and you may also have read them in my follow-up email or on our class website or in the special snowflake email I sent you. I don't know how to say it any more clearly: Write a new draft. Your first attempt was crap. 

Although you are a unique individual with outstanding potential, I'm not going to answer your email during the weekend. Even though you need my immediate response because you have a super important thing that you have to do instead of the work for my class. Sure. I'll give you an extension. You should get the opportunity to be the best you that you can be.

However, I did not cause your scholastic emergency. Let's face it: I'm going to hold this whole sorry episode against you. That's one of my special qualities.